Standing Still
by Kichou
Summary: I'll watch you leave for the very last time. I'll smile, I'll laugh and I will finally move on. 10069. AU. Songfic. Dedicated to Vongola XII.


I do not own KHR nor will I ever.

I put the rating for the suggestive adult theme in here. If it needs to be moved up or down, please let me know.

There will probably be some grammar mistakes in my story so don't hate me for it, please.

This story is dedicated to my Internet imouto, VongolaXII. I hope you like it.

Happy Birthday Mukuro!

Song: Standing Still by Roman Lob

Standing Still

By Kichou

He stood there in their apartment, staring at the walls filled with pictures of them together. In those pictures he sees a blue haired fool smiling and happy, a fool who did not know how fake his relationship is. Picture after picture, he sees more lies, more regrets.

His white haired lover can be heard in their bedroom packing his whole life away in a few old suitcases. Each zip of a suitcase stabs him deeply in his heart, but he continues to stare at the pictures wondering why things ended up this way.

He couldn't accept the lies anymore. He couldn't accept all the broken promises from the one he loved.

So he accepts the loss. Accepts the fact that this relationship is finished.

_Guess we knew this was coming on_

_Cause you're already gone in my head_

_You can tell me that I'm wrong_

_That you're staying with me instead_

The years passed them by so quickly. The happiness they felt was so real. There was so much laughter, so much joy, only to be dashed by his love's devastating mistakes.

He cheats. He cheats and he turns a blind eye.

Words were said and promises are made and he stayed by his lover's side.

_When winter's come along_

_And summer's dead and gone_

_Is there anything left here to say?_

_I can put my arms around the emptiness I found_

_And find a way to make you stay_

He always ignores the constant doubt every time he leaves his home. He lies to himself that his lover is faithful, that he wouldn't hurt him once again.

He promised him. He promised.

That girl he sees him with at the café, she is just a friend.

The guy he sees him with at the park, he is just a colleague.

He is with him at home. He comes back to him always. He always returns to him.

_But I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you leave me now_

_I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you're walking out_

_Yeah, I'm just standing still_

There is a smell that lingers in their home. A perfume or cologne, the smell seems to blend together. It attaches itself to the walls, to the rugs, to the bed sheets.

He doesn't say a word.

He would just stand and wait in the shadows wondering if everything is real.

He would come home then, his breath reeking of alcohol, his clothing swimming in another's scent, but he just steadies his lover's body and gently lays him down their bed.

He removes his lover's coat, removes his shoes and socks and places their blanket on his drunken body. He places the coat on top of the blanket, finally noticing a woman's bra peeking out of the front pocket.

He takes it out, stares at it and lets his head hang in sorrow.

_Now before I felt so strong_

_And pieces of me break so easy_

_What I thought would be the end_

_Is just the feeling that you freed me_

The next morning he sits beside his lover, waiting for him to wake up. He runs his hand over white locks, a sad smile on his face.

He wakes with a smile, but that smile then leaves.

He notices a familiar garment being held by him.

Then words are spoken, apologies are heard and once again he forgives.

He loves this man, loves his life so he forgives to keep it together, but he knows that their red string of fate is unraveling. He knows it will only be a matter of time.

They were fading away.

_[Boy], this ain't giving up_

_It's knowing where to stop_

_Knowing when a thing is over_

_I know my life is blind_

_See for the first time_

_This ain't gonna bring us closer_

Life continues and he believes that maybe things have changed. His lover was always home and he never seen him with any other. There were no smells lingering in their home or on his person.

Maybe his lover finally decided to love only him.

They kiss and smile and his heart seemed to finally feel lighter.

His violet-eyed lover seems to finally change his ways.

_Cause I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you leave me now_

_Yeah, I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you're walking out_

Lies are quite easy to say it would seem.

He stood inside an elevator staring at the numbers that flashes indicating what floors are about to come and pass.

16, 17, 18, 19…finally it hits the 20th floor.

He walks towards solid wood double doors. He can see his lover's name on gold plate nailed into the wood.

Byakuran Gesso.

His hand reaches out towards the doorknob, stopping an inch away. He hears something.

Noise that can only be one thing. Sounds that can only come from one action.

_I'm standing still_

_And I'm just standing still_

_As you leave me now_

_And I'm just standing still_

He turned the knob, knowing what he will sees. The door makes no sound.

He stands there and watches him. He sees a girl (his lover's secretary) bent over on the desk, his lover thrusting into her in abandon.

He watches and watches. No one notices him.

They finish. The girl's hand runs across her blue hair making sure her appearance is acceptable. His lover zips himself up before bending down to kiss her.

Still no one notices him.

She turns to leave and finally looks up. Her gasp makes his lover look up as well.

He has never seen those violet eyes widen that much before.

So he smiles and gently closes the door, ignoring the call of his name.

He walks back towards the elevator, please that the doors opened quickly.

He enters, presses the letter L, and sees his lover running towards him and grins when the doors shut a foot before he reaches him.

He hopes that he reaches the lobby before anyone stops him from leaving.

_When winter's come along_

_And summer's dead and gone_

_Is there anything left here to say?_

_I can put my arms around_

_The emptiness I found_

_And find a way to make you stay_

He knows it time to move on. He knows there is nothing else that can be done to salvage his relationship. Nothing can be fine between them if his lover can't be faithful.

No more lies, please. No more lies.

Nothing can be ignored anymore. He couldn't turn a blind eye this time.

His lover will just do it again. Cheat and cheat. Lie and lie.

And here he thought that he changed for good. The man only made sure to cheat on him during work instead of after.

How many people were there? How many times have he been made a fool of?

He enters his apartment and stares at the pictures. He knows they mean nothing. He knows not to care anymore.

He walks towards the bedroom and takes out his lover's suitcases. He opens them, lays them on the bed and starts to place his lover's clothing into them.

He hears the bedroom door open, turns to see his white haired lover standing at the doorway.

He continues to pack, noticing at the corner of his eye, black shiny shoes walking towards him.

The shirt is ripped away from his hand, his body grabbed and then pressed against his body. A pair of arms squeezes him tight and murmurs of apologies leaves his lover's lips.

But he can't hear anything. It's sounds like ringing in his ears.

_I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you leave me now_

_Yeah, I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_As you're walking out_

_And I'm just standing still_

He grabs those arms away from him, the same arms he use to love being held by. His mismatched eyes stares at beautiful violet.

He steps away. He steps away from those loving arms, from those pretty violet gems and waves at the suitcases.

His lover tries to once again to hold him, but stops when he sees the anger in his eyes. He knew what this meant.

He knew it was finally the end.

He has never seen this look in those violet eyes before. Regret maybe? Sorrow? But he didn't care. How many chances has he given him? How many times has he been hurt?

He hears it this time. He hears his lover finally say those three loving words to him. The man reaches out to him once more.

But he steps away from those arms. He doesn't return the sentiment this time to his lover.

The red string of fate has finally snapped.

_I'm standing still_

_I'm standing still_

_Standing still_

So he left towards the living room, staring at the pictures once again. His heart is heavy, he body is tired, but his head is finally clear.

His lover continues to pack and he begins to sadly smile.

He reaches out a hand and grabs one of the picture frames. His fingers rub against the happy couple in it before he tosses it below him towards the trashcan.

More frames are taken off from the walls, more trashcans are filled.

The walls are bare.

He realizes that he needs to take out the trash tomorrow.

He reaches into a cabinet and pulls out an old frame with a picture he likes from his younger years. He holds onto it as his gaze turns towards the man standing behind him.

His ex-lover says goodbye. He returns the favor. They stare at one another for one minute, two minutes, three minutes, maybe more.

He turns his mismatch eyes away, lifting the picture frame in his hand up to hang it on the bare wall.

He hears the door close, he hears footsteps receding, but he doesn't care anymore.

He stands still, not moving, staring at the frame before him.

He always liked the picture in it.

A white owl flying towards the cloudy sky, following another bird towards sweet freedom.

_Yeah, I'm just standing still_

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

A.N.

- I hope all of you (especially you imouto) like this story. I'm not really that much of a 10069 fan so I hope the story didn't suffer because of it. This is also my first KHR story that I wrote so I hope it didn't suck (I always thought I would write 1827 for my first KHR story, but I guess not).

- The lyrics I took from TheNewmansOfficial from YouTube. They did a cover of Roman Lobs song, Standing Still so if you have the time, go and listen to the cover and to the original. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it (and it doesn't hurt that Roman Lob is cute). Note that in one of the lyrics I changed "girl" to "boy" since this is a yaoi fic and it is more fitting if I put it that way.

- First songfic. I think I suck at making songfics.

- Am I the only person from the USA that saw Eurovision 2012 contest? I was on vacation in Europe and saw it and was lucky enough to hear this song. My favorite songs came from the contestants from Germany, Malta, Bosnia, Macedonia and Norway.

- There was a secret (obvious) hinted pairing people!

- Thanks for reading!


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